This is a bit of a heavy one, in case the content warning didn’t give you a hint. And I’m sure you probably heard of the movie (which I’ll be getting to soon).
Our story begins with Shoya in middle school, being a boy with a lot of energy, taking risks and trying to fight against boredom. His life changes when Shoko turns up in class. She’s deaf and he just doesn’t get it. So, he does what young boys do and starts to tease and torment her. And the adults seem to not really care, no one seems to want to actually stop him, and others, from harassing her. This part of the story is really hard to read. It gets worse when Shoya is punished for Shoko’s missing hearing aids and everyone else in class turns on him. Soon, he is the target of bullying, without friends and getting beaten up, his shoes stolen, and so on. As time goes on, now a high school senior, Shoya withdraws from his peers and starts working to pay his mother back for the money she had to pay. It turns out that he was planning on killing himself once he did so. So, yeah, this is just the first volume and it’s very, very dark. And we’re not quite done yet. The first volume ends with Shoya tracking down Shoko and grabbing her hand. I will warn you that I’ve skipped over a lot in this volume because it’s hard to take but you have to read it to know where everyone is coming from. However, I just skimmed through it and I suggest you do, too, if you’ve had trouble with bullying. I do promise you that it gets better. A final note about this volume is that after Shoya starts having trouble with people, they appear with big X’s over their faces. And, besides his mother, only one person doesn’t have an X over their face: Shoko.
The second volume opens it Shoko just running away from Shoya and him tripping and falling. But, then she comes back and moves her finger on his hand to ask him why. He gets up and returns her note book that he threw in a pond years ago. When she looks at him, he starts to sign, as in using sign language, to explain it. She’s shocked as he took the time to learn sign language. He says it’s so he could “give her a piece of his mind” but it’s clear that he did it so he could communicate with her. He then apologizes for being an asshole and says that he hates himself. But, he also realizes that it’s his fault for what happened, he was being selfish, and he wants to be friends with Shoko. But, that wasn’t his plan. He was planning on apologizing and then killing himself. He just got caught up in the moment, realizing that he hasn’t suffered enough, and wants to do right by her. And this is the core of the story we’re about to go on. While hanging out while Shoko is feeding fish, Shoya reflects on things. Until Shoko’s mom shows up. She throws the notebook into the pond and Shoko jumps after it. Shoya jumps after her and helps her find it. When he asks if it’s that important, she just nods. Shoko and her mom get ready to leave and Shoya apologizes to her mom. The mom comes running back and just slaps Shoya so hard, I could almost imagine that it slapped the stupid out of him. Almost. Shoya starts to live again at this point, helping out a classmate who is having his bike stolen, making friends with him. Shoya tries to meet up with Shoko again but is shut down by a younger kid, saying she’s not there, when he can clearly see her. The boy that Shoya helped is Tomohiro, who quickly becomes Shoya’s first friend in six years. With Tomohiro’s “help” he is able to talk to Shoko again, getting past her “guardian.” While this kid tries to pretend that he’s Shoko’s boyfriend, he’s actually Shoko’s younger sister, who has been trying to protect her. She also blames Shoya (rightly) for all the trouble he caused. But, Shoya is able to win her over. When she tells she’s Shoko’s boyfriend, he’s happy for both of them. And when she tries to tell Shoko, in the bath no less, that she saw him with a girlfriend, the look on Shoko’s face is priceless. Actually, one of the things about this manga is how expressive Shoko, and others, are. But she’s much more expressive, as we don’t have a lot of her words to use, aside from a brief bit of talking and translation of her signing from other characters. This volume has Yuzuru, Shoko’s sister, warming up to Shoya. Yuzuru posted a picture of Shoya jumping in after Shoko, which got him suspended from school for a week. He then finds Yuzuru after she’s run away from home, after Shoko gets upset, and Shoya takes her in. Just like that. Even knowing that she’s got him in trouble. He knows that he’s fucked up and is paying penance. The fact that he knows he’s messed up and is willing to help her, even if it is because of his own guilt, brings Yuzuru over to the side of not hating him. She still doesn’t trust him but she doesn’t hate him. He also says that he’s willing to spend the rest of his life dedicated to her, to make up for his past sins. After Yuzuru runs away, Shoko goes out searching for her, he mom visits Shoya’s mom’s hair salon looking for her, and Yuzuru and Shoya go looking for her. When they find her, Shoko reveals that Yuzuru is her sister and even their mom is starting to warm to Shoya.
The third volume is about expanding Shoya’s world. He, and Shoko, try to track down Miyoko, another girl from the past. She agreed to learn sign language to help out Shoko but got teased for it and ended up leaving school. Shoya asks another old classmate for information and Shoko and Shoya go looking for her. They don’t find her but she runs into Shoya and she has grown. They say she’s 5’1” in the manga but I don’t know it that’s right. Based on my, admittedly limited, knowledge of Japan and the people there, that would be a fucking giant sized girl. Like, 5’6” is tall for women in Japan. Google tells me that 5’2” is average, so yeah, they might be changing that for English speakers. Anyway, Shoya brings Miyoko to meet with Shoko and reflects on how badly he screwed up when they were kids. Shoya gets defensive when asked about seeing people from the old days, because of what happened to him after Shoko left. Of course, she should already know that, as she was cleaning off his desk every morning, cleaning up all the hateful things the other kids were writing on it. I think Shoko doesn’t quite get how different people can be, sometimes. Anyway, we’re soon introduced to another character from the past, Naoka. She was the only girl that Shoya really spent any sort of time with and she hands him a coupon for a cat cafe. After putting on cat ears and a tail. When he goes to the cat cafe with Tomohiro, he doesn’t even recognize her, with her hair up and glasses on. There’s a mix up and Tomohiro gets a note that Shoya was suppose to get, a confession of love from Naoka. She tries to make contact with Shoya, while Shoya gives the cute cat bag thing to Shoko. This also introduces the movie that Tomohiro wants to make, teaming up with Yuzuru and her camera. Naoka tracks down Shoya and forces him to give her a ride home. On the way, they run across Shoko and Naoka starts to tease her like they used to when they were young. When she sees Shoya sticking up for her, she runs away. Shoya later finds her crying and they talk. And this is when her X appears on her face. They have a fight and she tries to undermine Shoya’s progress in becoming a decent human being. When she finds out that he’s trying to make amends for his past, she tries to apologize to him. And he shuts her all the way down. He wants her to apologize to Shoko but Naoka doesn’t want her forgiveness, she wants his. Around the X over her face, you can see how she really feels. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, you’re as dense as Shoya. When Shoya finally runs into Shoko again, she has her hair in a pony tail and tries to talk with him. By speaking. Now, if you’ve never spoken with some who’s deaf or has issues with hearing, they don’t speak like someone who can hear. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just how it works. Because we can hear, we have an easier time making the correct sounds to form words. If you’re not familiar with how they speak, it can be really hard to understand them. So, Shoya has trouble understanding her, which I understand. But, at the same time, he did tell her that he wants to hear her “voice” although, I think he meant it in the metaphorical sense. This volume ends with Shoko telling Shoya she loves him. But, due to her speech, he doesn’t understand her, thinking she’s talking about the moon. Shoya, you are a fucking idiot. If you haven’t figured it out yet, both Shoko and Naoka have feelings for this guy. And he is totally oblivious. I can understand why, he’s been isolated and he seems to be suffering from clinical depression, both of which would prevent you from figuring it out. That said, can someone please slap some sense into him? Or, just, like, fill in the blanks for him? Please?
The fourth volume starts adding in two more characters, Satoshi and Miki. Now, Miki has been popping up here and there through the last few volumes but has had an X over her face, and therefore, is someone not worth noticing. Okay, I’m being a bit hard on her but this is how Shoya is perceiving things, so I’m looking through his eyes in this story. There are some flashes to Shoko and her family but this is really Shoya’s story. For now. Satoshi wants to join the film project and Miki wants to get closer to Satoshi. So, they not have their X’s removed and are going to be part of the story from this point on. Together, our merry band (everyone without X’s and Naoka, who still has one) go to an amusment park. While it was mentioned, Naoka and Miyoko go to the same school and seem to be friends. Everyone is having a good time and Naoka “apologizes” to Shoko but Shoya doesn’t remove her X yet. While at the park, everyone seems to be having fun and a good time, but Shoya, with his depression and guilt, seems to be having a hard time letting go. Eventually he does and starts to enjoy himself. And that’s when things go bad. Naoka tries to re-connect Shoya with his old friend. And when they’re discussing the movie plot, Shoya says that the main character wants to die. Naoka corners him and they talk. She blames Shoko for destroying their lives, how she up-ended what she thinks they should have had. And Shoya is not here for it. But, he does get her talk with Shoko. On the Ferris wheel. And it goes… Poorly. While we don’t know what happened at first, Naoka slapped Shoko on the Ferris wheel. When Shoya confronts Naoka about it, they have a fight and the get together falls apart. Later, Yuzuru goes over to Shoya’s place and they watch the footage from the camera that Shoko had around her neck. We find out that Naoka hates Shoko and will not forgive her. And we find out that Shoko hates herself. There’s flashes of why that is. Little glimpses of the past but Yuzuru tells Shoya that if he wants Shoko to like herself, it’s his job to compliment her. And he tries. Without understanding why. This boy is dense. All Yuzuru had to say was that Shoko likes him and his opinion of her is important to her. But it wouldn’t be YA drama without a failure to communicate! Here, we focus on Shoko’s home life. Yuzuru and Shoko are mostly taken care of my their grandmother, while their mother is a stern workaholic. Of course, they only introduce the grandmother to kill her off. Sure, she’s mentioned early on, but we literally don’t see her until right before she dies. Shoya finds Yuzuru crying, while Shoko doesn’t turn up for feeding the fish on the bridge. Shoya takes Yuzuru to eat and then follows her, to the funeral. Shoya reads a letter from Yuzuru’s grandmother to her, because Yuzuru can’t read it, and Yuzuru adds commentary. When he runs across their mom, she thanks him for being a friend to Yuzuru. But not Shoko, oddly enough. There’s a flashback to how their mother ended up as a single parent and how grandmother was there for her daughter and granddaugthers.
The fifth volume is where things fall apart. Everyone is working on Tomohiro’s movie. Including Naoka. Shoya insists that Shoko be included but it works out. Together, this group starts getting things together for the movie, working together. It’s rather interesting to see how each person changes things little by little of the concept. We also discover that Satoshi is a bit of an asshole but because he was bullied as a kid. He also hates bullies but doesn’t yet know about Shoya’s full history with Shoko. They, Satoshi and Shoya, go back to Shoya’s old elementry school to ask permission to film their movie there and run into Shoya’s old teacher. While the teacher, who blamed Shoya for everything related to Shoko’s bullying and not really trying to solve the problem, talks to them, Shoya gets more and more uncomfortable until he starts all but blaming Shoko for her treatment. However, it is Satoshi that steps up and splashes water on the teacher. Of course, they both get kicked out. Things go well for a while. Until they don’t. Shoya is worried about Satoshi finding out what he used to be like and it causes him to have a fight with Tomohiro and Miki. When he goes to the bridge for the next meeting, it all comes crashing down. Satoshi hits him and everyone leaves. But, Shoko is still there and Shoya makes it his goal to keep her happy. They go to the movies, they go out and he forces himself to smile and laugh. There’s some important pieces here. One thing is that Miyoko sends Shoya a message and simply asks “How can you prove you’ve grown as a person?” This is a phrase that would haunt me, let me tell you. How CAN you prove that? I mean, let’s not forget that he learned sign language, tracked Shoko down, gave her her old notebook, has been hanging out with her every Tuesday, went with her to find people she wanted to know (and some she didn’t), made an effort to include her in the movie, has let her mother slap him, looked for her in the rain, went to her grandmother’s funeral, and hasn’t been a bully in years. But, you know what the real question is? “Have you done enough to redeem yourself?” And that’s the big question. I think, even if he hasn’t, he’s trying. And the person who needs to forgive him isn’t Miyoko, Miki, Satoshi, Tomohiro, or even Yuzuru or her mother. It is and always will be Shoko. Which brings us to the final part of the volume. They go to a festival with fireworks, and even their mom has warmed to Shoya at this point, and spend time together. Shoko says she wants to go back to study. Yuzuru, ever the crafty devil, sends Shoya back to their place to get her camera, hoping to give Shoya and Shoko some alone time. When he gets there, he catches Shoko getting ready to jump off the balcony. He rushes to stop her. And she jumps. But he barely manages to catch her as she falls, pulling her up so she can grab the railing. And then he falls. There’s water below, so he doesn’t die on impact. And that’s where things end in this volume.
The next volume tries to tease us for a while about what happened, first suggesting that Shoko didn’t make it. She did. She hurt her arm but she’s alive. And Shoya is alive, too. But he’s in a coma. This volume instead focuses on the other characters, exploring who they are and, in some ways, why they are the way they are. Shoko jumped because she thinks everything is her fault, that everything she touches, she destroys. And that hits me hard. Shoko’s mother apologizes to Shoya’s mother but she doesn’t want her to. I really like Shoya’s mom, I have to say. That woman is a saint. Miyoko and Tomohito show up at the hospital. But, guess who else does? Naoka. And she corners Shoko outside and proceeds to beat her, blaming her for what happened to Shoya. It’s not that she’s wrong, it’s just that Naoka’s own feelings for Shoya are overwhelming her. She’s been in love with Shoya since before Shoko showed up on the scene and now that he’s back in her life, she wants him. And, yes, there’s blame for Shoko for what happened. What she, and I think a lot of others forget, is that Shoya made a choice. Sure, Shoko put him in the position to have to make that choice, but he still made it. Without hesitation. Miyoko jumps in to defend Shoko but that doesn’t really stop Naoka. You know what does? Shoko’s mom. Without any expression, she slaps the fucking shit out of Naoka. Just whap, whap, whap. It’s a real brawl. And I love every second of it. Because it’s about these two getting their feelings out. When it’s over, we discover why Yuzuru has been taking pictures of dead things: To make Shoko change her mind about dying. Because she confessed to her all those years ago that she wanted to die. After this, Naoko takes up station inside Shoya’s room, not letting anyone in. But, this does lead to Shoko and Tomohito meeting and deciding to work on the movie together. Along with everyone else. Then, we get to learn about each of our characters. Bit by bit, each given a chapter. While these chapters revolve around Shoya and his effect of them, they do show us more about them. And how one life can touch others. The volume ends with a flashback to the night Shoya fell and Shoko having a dream about Shoya. The dream where he’s saying goodbye. She runs to the bridge, where they’ve been meeting, in the middle of the night, and collapses, crying. And then Shoya wakes up in the hospital.
The seventh and final volume shows the same the dream, but from Shoya’s perspective. And then him waking up. After waking up, he manages to free himself from the hospital and finds his way to the bridge, finding Shoko. They both believe that the other is a spirit or ghost for a minute. And then Shoya tells her something important. He wants her to help him to live. And that’s when the parents, or moms, turn up. Along with Yuzuru. And Shoya’s mom faints. It’s all okay, however, and Shoya turns out okay. Just with a scar on his ass. After he comes home, Shoko, Yuzuru, and their mother come over, and the moms force the kids out while they talk. And drink. And bond over how shitty men can be. Moving on, we get to see the movie they all made and it’s pretty powerful, so I’m not going to tell you about it. Shoya kind of embarrasses himself, with being so moved by the movie. He flees to the bathroom and then hashes it out with everyone, figuring out that no one is perfect and it’s okay. But, it’s after this, when Shoya walks around the school festival that the movie version of the story ends. But not the manga. The manga has the film being shown at a festival and gets gutted by some film critic guy. Everyone is bummed until they think about how much better they’ll be in the future. Speaking of the future, that’s what where the story ends. Oh, not with a time skip or anything, just with everyone working out what they want to go to school for. Miyoko and Naoka are going to a fashion school, with Miyoko working on modeling, too. Satoshi and Miki are going to school to become teachers, while Tomohito is trying to convince his parents to let him go to film school. But, what about Shoko, I hear you asking? Well, she wants to become a hairdresser. I have a theory as to why but it’s from something I skipped all the way back in volume one. Why? Because I want you to read the damn thing! Anyway, this would mean going to Tokyo and Shoya doesn’t want her to leave at first but ends up supporting her. And saying he’ll follow her to Tokyo. Keep in mind he doesn’t seem to realize that she’s got a crush on him and he doesn’t seem to be able to express any romantic feelings for her. But, whatever. I guess this technically a romance manga. The story really ends with a Coming Of Age celebration and everyone talking about those plans. And with Shoya finally taking Shoko’s hand as they go to see their old classmates.
I’ve spent a lot of time reading and rereading this story this week. And it feels like there’s always something new to find in it. The word that comes to mind for this one is “Important.” I’ve heard people talking about how the movie “saved” them or made them think about things and I know that if I had found it when I was younger and depressed, it would have made an impact in my life. And maybe it will in yours, too. Of all the works I have reviewed here so far (not nearly as many I was would have liked), this is the one that I feel is probably the best one. This series isn’t my favorite but it’s up there on my list of manga and anime that have had an impression on me, even if it hasn’t been too long for me. When I finished the manga, I had to go to bed and it wasn’t easy. The next day, Shoko’s suicide attempt lingered in my brain, repeating over and over again. I could go on for a while about why this one is lodged in my brain but I’m sure you’re all smart people and can figure things out. Let’s just say that this one hit too close to home, in a lot of ways, and leave it there. And I won’t post links about suicide prevention, because you all have Google, but I will leave you with one final thought, the words I wished I could have said to someone like Shoko: It can get better, give it time.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Suggestion: This is a
great work and you need to read it if you’ve seen the movie.
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