Content Warning: Bullying, suicide attempts, kids being assholes, and
redemption.
This is a bit of a
heavy one, in case the content warning didn’t give you a hint. And
I’m sure you probably heard of the movie (which I’ll be getting
to soon).
Our story begins with
Shoya in middle
school, being a boy with a lot of energy, taking risks and trying to
fight against boredom. His life changes when Shoko turns up in class.
She’s deaf and he just doesn’t get it. So, he does what young
boys do and starts to tease and torment her. And the adults seem to
not really care, no one seems to want to actually stop him, and
others, from harassing her. This part of the story is really hard to
read. It gets worse when Shoya is punished for Shoko’s missing
hearing aids and everyone else in class turns on him. Soon, he is the
target of bullying, without friends and getting beaten up, his shoes
stolen, and so on. As time goes on, now a high school senior, Shoya
withdraws from his peers and starts working to pay his mother back
for the money she had to pay. It turns out that he was planning on
killing himself once he did so. So, yeah, this is just the first
volume and it’s very, very dark. And we’re not quite done yet.
The first volume ends with Shoya tracking down Shoko and grabbing her
hand. I will warn you that I’ve skipped over a lot in this volume
because it’s hard to take but you have to read it to know where
everyone is coming from. However, I just skimmed through it and I
suggest you do, too, if you’ve had trouble with bullying. I do
promise you that it gets better. A final note about this volume is
that after Shoya starts having trouble with people, they appear with
big X’s over their faces. And, besides his mother, only one person
doesn’t have an X over their face: Shoko.
The second volume opens
it Shoko just running away from Shoya and him tripping and falling.
But, then she comes back and moves her finger on his hand to ask him
why. He gets up and returns her note book that he threw in a pond
years ago. When she looks at him, he starts to sign, as in using sign
language, to explain it. She’s shocked as he took the time to learn
sign language. He says it’s so he could “give her a piece of his
mind” but it’s clear that he did it so he could communicate with
her. He then apologizes for being an asshole and says that he hates
himself. But, he also realizes that it’s his fault for what
happened, he was being selfish, and he wants to be friends with
Shoko. But, that wasn’t his plan. He was planning on apologizing
and then killing himself. He just got caught up in the moment,
realizing that he hasn’t suffered enough, and wants to do right by
her. And this is the core of the story we’re about to go on. While
hanging out while Shoko is feeding fish, Shoya reflects on things.
Until Shoko’s mom shows up. She throws the notebook into the pond
and Shoko jumps after it. Shoya jumps after her and helps her find
it. When he asks if it’s that important, she just nods. Shoko and
her mom get ready to leave and Shoya apologizes to her mom. The mom
comes running back and just slaps Shoya so hard, I could almost
imagine that it slapped the stupid out of him. Almost. Shoya starts
to live again at this point, helping out a classmate who is having
his bike stolen, making friends with him. Shoya tries to meet up with
Shoko again but is shut down by a younger kid, saying she’s not
there, when he can clearly see her. The boy that Shoya helped is
Tomohiro, who quickly becomes Shoya’s first friend in six years.
With Tomohiro’s “help” he is able to talk to Shoko again,
getting past her “guardian.” While this kid tries to pretend that
he’s Shoko’s boyfriend, he’s actually Shoko’s younger sister,
who has been trying to protect her. She also blames Shoya (rightly)
for all the trouble he caused. But, Shoya is able to win her over.
When she tells she’s Shoko’s boyfriend, he’s happy for both of
them. And when she tries to tell Shoko, in the bath no less, that she
saw him with a girlfriend, the look on Shoko’s face is priceless.
Actually, one of the things about this manga is how expressive Shoko,
and others, are. But she’s much more expressive, as we don’t have
a lot of her words to use, aside from a brief bit of talking and
translation of her signing from other characters. This volume has
Yuzuru, Shoko’s sister, warming up to Shoya. Yuzuru posted a
picture of Shoya jumping in after Shoko, which got him suspended from
school for a week. He then finds Yuzuru after she’s run away from
home, after Shoko gets upset, and Shoya takes her in. Just like that.
Even knowing that she’s got him in trouble. He knows that he’s
fucked up and is paying penance. The fact that he knows he’s messed
up and is willing to help her, even if it is because of his own
guilt, brings Yuzuru over to the side of not hating him. She still
doesn’t trust him but she doesn’t hate him. He also says that
he’s willing to spend the rest of his life dedicated to her, to
make up for his past sins. After Yuzuru runs away, Shoko goes out
searching for her, he mom visits Shoya’s mom’s hair salon looking
for her, and Yuzuru and Shoya go looking for her. When they find her,
Shoko reveals that Yuzuru is her sister and even their mom is
starting to warm to Shoya.
The third volume is
about expanding Shoya’s world. He, and Shoko, try to track down
Miyoko, another girl from the past. She agreed to learn sign language
to help out Shoko but got teased for it and ended up leaving school.
Shoya asks another old classmate for information and Shoko and Shoya
go looking for her. They don’t find her but she runs into Shoya and
she has grown. They say she’s 5’1” in the manga but I don’t
know it that’s right. Based on my, admittedly limited, knowledge of
Japan and the people there, that would be a fucking giant sized girl.
Like, 5’6” is tall for women in Japan. Google tells me that 5’2”
is average, so yeah, they might be changing that for English
speakers. Anyway, Shoya brings Miyoko to meet with Shoko and reflects
on how badly he screwed up when they were kids. Shoya gets defensive
when asked about seeing people from the old days, because of what
happened to him after Shoko left. Of course, she should already know
that, as she was cleaning off his desk every morning, cleaning up all
the hateful things the other kids were writing on it. I think Shoko
doesn’t quite get how different people can be, sometimes. Anyway,
we’re soon introduced to another character from the past, Naoka.
She was the only girl that Shoya really spent any sort of time with
and she hands him a coupon for a cat cafe. After putting on cat ears
and a tail. When he goes to the cat cafe with Tomohiro, he doesn’t
even recognize her, with her hair up and glasses on. There’s a mix
up and Tomohiro gets a note that Shoya was suppose to get, a
confession of love from Naoka. She tries to make contact with Shoya,
while Shoya gives the cute cat bag thing to Shoko. This also
introduces the movie that Tomohiro wants to make, teaming up with
Yuzuru and her camera. Naoka tracks down Shoya and forces him to give
her a ride home. On the way, they run across Shoko and Naoka starts
to tease her like they used to when they were young. When she sees
Shoya sticking up for her, she runs away. Shoya later finds her
crying and they talk. And this is when her X appears on her face.
They have a fight and she tries to undermine Shoya’s progress in
becoming a decent human being. When she finds out that he’s trying
to make amends for his past, she tries to apologize to him. And he
shuts her all the way down. He wants her to apologize to Shoko but
Naoka doesn’t want her forgiveness, she wants his. Around the X
over her face, you can see how she really feels. And if you haven’t
figured it out yet, you’re as dense as Shoya. When Shoya finally
runs into Shoko again, she has her hair in a pony tail and tries to
talk with him. By speaking. Now, if you’ve never spoken with some
who’s deaf or has issues with hearing, they don’t speak like
someone who can hear. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just how it
works. Because we can hear, we have an easier time making the correct
sounds to form words. If you’re not familiar with how they speak,
it can be really hard to understand them. So, Shoya has trouble
understanding her, which I understand. But, at the same time, he did
tell her that he wants to hear her “voice” although, I think he
meant it in the metaphorical sense. This volume ends with Shoko
telling Shoya she loves him. But, due to her speech, he doesn’t
understand her, thinking she’s talking about the moon. Shoya, you
are a fucking idiot. If you haven’t figured it out yet, both Shoko
and Naoka have feelings for this guy. And he is totally oblivious. I
can understand why, he’s been isolated and he seems to be suffering
from clinical depression, both of which would prevent you from
figuring it out. That said, can someone please slap some sense into
him? Or, just, like, fill in the blanks for him? Please?
The fourth volume
starts adding in two more characters, Satoshi and Miki. Now, Miki has
been popping up here and there through the last few volumes but has
had an X over her face, and therefore, is someone not worth noticing.
Okay, I’m being a bit hard on her but this is how Shoya is
perceiving things, so I’m looking through his eyes in this story.
There are some flashes to Shoko and her family but this is really
Shoya’s story. For now. Satoshi wants to join the film project and
Miki wants to get closer to Satoshi. So, they not have their X’s
removed and are going to be part of the story from this point on.
Together, our merry band (everyone without X’s and Naoka, who still
has one) go to an amusment park. While it was mentioned, Naoka and
Miyoko go to the same school and seem to be friends. Everyone is
having a good time and Naoka “apologizes” to Shoko but Shoya
doesn’t remove her X yet. While at the park, everyone seems to be
having fun and a good time, but Shoya, with his depression and guilt,
seems to be having a hard time letting go. Eventually he does and
starts to enjoy himself. And that’s when things go bad. Naoka tries
to re-connect Shoya with his old friend. And when they’re
discussing the movie plot, Shoya says that the main character wants
to die. Naoka corners him and they talk. She blames Shoko for
destroying their lives, how she up-ended what she thinks they should
have had. And Shoya is not here for it. But, he does get her talk
with Shoko. On the Ferris wheel. And it goes… Poorly. While we
don’t know what happened at first, Naoka slapped Shoko on the
Ferris wheel. When Shoya confronts Naoka about it, they have a fight
and the get together falls apart. Later, Yuzuru goes over to Shoya’s
place and they watch the footage from the camera that Shoko had
around her neck. We find out that Naoka hates Shoko and will not
forgive her. And we find out that Shoko hates herself. There’s
flashes of why that is. Little glimpses of the past but Yuzuru tells
Shoya that if he wants Shoko to like herself, it’s his job to
compliment her. And he tries. Without understanding why. This boy is
dense. All Yuzuru had to say was that Shoko likes him and his opinion
of her is important to her. But it wouldn’t be YA drama without a
failure to communicate! Here, we focus on Shoko’s home life. Yuzuru
and Shoko are mostly taken care of my their grandmother, while their
mother is a stern workaholic. Of course, they only introduce the
grandmother to kill her off. Sure, she’s mentioned early on, but we
literally don’t see her until right before she dies. Shoya finds
Yuzuru crying, while Shoko doesn’t turn up for feeding the fish on
the bridge. Shoya takes Yuzuru to eat and then follows her, to the
funeral. Shoya reads a letter from Yuzuru’s grandmother to her,
because Yuzuru can’t read it, and Yuzuru adds commentary. When he
runs across their mom, she thanks him for being a friend to Yuzuru.
But not Shoko, oddly enough. There’s a flashback to how their
mother ended up as a single parent and how grandmother was there for
her daughter and granddaugthers.
The fifth volume is
where things fall apart. Everyone is working on Tomohiro’s movie.
Including Naoka. Shoya insists that Shoko be included but it works
out. Together, this group starts getting things together for the
movie, working together. It’s rather interesting to see how each
person changes things little by little of the concept. We also
discover that Satoshi is a bit of an asshole but because he was
bullied as a kid. He also hates bullies but doesn’t yet know about
Shoya’s full history with Shoko. They, Satoshi and Shoya, go back
to Shoya’s old elementry school to ask permission to film their
movie there and run into Shoya’s old teacher. While the teacher,
who blamed Shoya for everything related to Shoko’s bullying and not
really trying to solve the problem, talks to them, Shoya gets more
and more uncomfortable until he starts all but blaming Shoko for her
treatment. However, it is Satoshi that steps up and splashes water on
the teacher. Of course, they both get kicked out. Things go well for
a while. Until they don’t. Shoya is worried about Satoshi finding
out what he used to be like and it causes him to have a fight with
Tomohiro and Miki. When he goes to the bridge for the next meeting,
it all comes crashing down. Satoshi hits him and everyone leaves.
But, Shoko is still there and Shoya makes it his goal to keep her
happy. They go to the movies, they go out and he forces himself to
smile and laugh. There’s some important pieces here. One thing is
that Miyoko sends Shoya a message and simply asks “How can you
prove you’ve grown as a person?” This is a phrase that would
haunt me, let me tell you. How CAN you prove that? I mean, let’s
not forget that he learned sign language, tracked Shoko
down, gave her her old notebook, has been hanging out with her every
Tuesday, went with her to find people she wanted to know (and some
she didn’t), made an effort to include her in the movie, has let
her mother slap him, looked for her in the rain, went to her
grandmother’s funeral, and hasn’t been a bully in years. But, you
know what the real question is? “Have you done enough to redeem
yourself?” And that’s the big question. I think, even if he
hasn’t, he’s trying. And the person who needs to forgive him
isn’t Miyoko, Miki, Satoshi, Tomohiro, or even Yuzuru or her
mother. It is and always will be Shoko. Which brings us to the final
part of the volume. They go to a festival with fireworks, and even
their mom has warmed to Shoya at this point, and spend time together.
Shoko says she wants to go back to study. Yuzuru, ever the crafty
devil, sends Shoya back to their place to get her camera, hoping to
give Shoya and Shoko some alone time. When he gets there, he catches
Shoko getting ready to jump off the balcony. He rushes to stop her.
And she jumps. But he barely manages to catch her as she falls,
pulling her up so she can grab the railing. And then he falls.
There’s water below, so he doesn’t die on impact. And that’s
where things end in this volume.
The next volume tries
to tease us for a while about what happened, first suggesting that
Shoko didn’t make it. She did. She hurt her arm but she’s alive.
And Shoya is alive, too. But he’s in a coma. This volume instead
focuses on the other characters, exploring who they are and, in some
ways, why they are the way they are. Shoko jumped because she thinks
everything is her fault, that everything she touches, she destroys.
And that hits me hard. Shoko’s mother apologizes to Shoya’s
mother but she doesn’t want her to. I really like Shoya’s mom, I
have to say. That woman is a saint. Miyoko and Tomohito show up at
the hospital. But, guess who else does? Naoka. And she corners Shoko
outside and proceeds to beat her, blaming her for what happened to
Shoya. It’s not that she’s wrong, it’s just that Naoka’s own
feelings for Shoya are overwhelming her. She’s been in love with
Shoya since before Shoko showed up on the scene and now that he’s
back in her life, she wants him. And, yes, there’s blame for Shoko
for what happened. What she, and I think a lot of others forget, is
that Shoya made a choice. Sure, Shoko put him in the position to have
to make that choice, but he still made it. Without hesitation. Miyoko
jumps in to defend Shoko but that doesn’t really stop Naoka. You
know what does? Shoko’s mom. Without any expression, she slaps the
fucking shit out of Naoka. Just whap, whap, whap. It’s a real
brawl. And I love every second of it. Because it’s about these two
getting their feelings out. When it’s over, we discover why Yuzuru
has been taking pictures of dead things: To make Shoko change her
mind about dying. Because she confessed to her all those years ago
that she wanted to die. After this, Naoko takes up station inside
Shoya’s room, not letting anyone in. But, this does lead to Shoko
and Tomohito meeting and deciding to work on the movie together.
Along with everyone else. Then, we get to learn about each of our
characters. Bit by bit, each given a chapter. While these chapters
revolve around Shoya and his effect of them, they do show us more
about them. And how one life can touch others. The volume ends with a
flashback to the night Shoya fell and Shoko having a dream about
Shoya. The dream where he’s saying goodbye. She runs to the bridge,
where they’ve been meeting, in the middle of the night, and
collapses, crying. And then Shoya wakes up in the hospital.
The seventh and final
volume shows the same the dream, but from Shoya’s perspective. And
then him waking up. After waking up, he manages to free himself from
the hospital and finds his way to the bridge, finding Shoko. They
both believe that the other is a spirit or ghost for a minute. And
then Shoya tells her something important. He wants her to help him to
live. And that’s when the parents, or moms, turn up. Along with
Yuzuru. And Shoya’s mom faints. It’s all okay, however, and Shoya
turns out okay. Just with a scar on his ass. After he comes home,
Shoko, Yuzuru, and their mother come over, and the moms force the
kids out while they talk. And drink. And bond over how shitty men can
be. Moving
on, we get to see the movie they all made and it’s pretty powerful,
so I’m not going to tell you about it. Shoya kind of embarrasses
himself, with being so moved by the movie. He flees to the bathroom
and then hashes it out with everyone, figuring out that no one is
perfect and it’s okay. But, it’s after this, when Shoya walks
around the school festival that the movie version of the story ends.
But not the manga. The manga has the film being shown at a festival
and gets gutted by some film critic guy. Everyone is bummed until
they think about how much better they’ll be in the future. Speaking
of the future, that’s what where the story ends. Oh, not with a
time skip or anything, just with everyone working out what they want
to go to school for. Miyoko and Naoka are going to a fashion school,
with Miyoko working on modeling, too. Satoshi
and Miki are going to school to become teachers, while Tomohito is
trying to convince his parents to let him go to film school. But,
what about Shoko, I hear you asking? Well, she wants to become a
hairdresser. I have a theory as to why but it’s from something I
skipped all the way back in volume one. Why? Because I want you to
read the damn thing! Anyway, this would mean going to Tokyo and Shoya
doesn’t want her to leave at first but ends up supporting her. And
saying he’ll follow her to Tokyo. Keep in mind he doesn’t seem to
realize that she’s got a crush on him and he doesn’t seem to be
able to express any romantic feelings for her. But, whatever. I guess
this technically a romance manga. The story really ends with a Coming
Of Age celebration and everyone talking about those plans. And with
Shoya finally taking Shoko’s hand as they go to see their old
classmates.
I’ve
spent a lot of time reading and rereading this story this week. And
it feels like there’s always something new to find in it. The word
that comes to mind for this one is “Important.” I’ve heard
people talking about how the movie “saved” them or made them
think about things and I know that if I had found it when I was
younger and depressed, it would have made an impact in my life. And
maybe it will in yours, too. Of all the works I have reviewed here so
far (not nearly as many I was would have liked), this is the one that
I feel is probably the best one. This series isn’t my favorite but
it’s up there on my list of manga and anime that have had an
impression on me, even if it hasn’t been too long for me. When I
finished the manga, I had to go to bed and it wasn’t easy. The next
day, Shoko’s suicide attempt lingered in my brain, repeating over
and over again. I could go on for a while about why this one is
lodged in my brain but I’m sure you’re all smart people and can
figure things out. Let’s just say that this one hit too close to
home, in a lot of ways, and leave it there. And I won’t post links
about suicide prevention, because you all have Google, but I will
leave you with one final thought, the words I wished I could have
said to someone like Shoko: It can get better, give it time.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Suggestion: This is a
great work and you need to read it if you’ve seen the movie.
